Tanya Sahabat

Saat itu aku di belakangmu

tetap anggun parasmu
tetap bersinar putih kulitmu
tetap menawan matamu
tetap hitam semampai rambutmu
tetap lincah gerakmu

Kini waktu tak ada untukku
Kawan,
apakah ini makna kita bersahabat?

Tapi
apakah berhak aku tanyamu?
apakah waktu kusediakan bagimu?
apakah rindu aku padamu?
apakah ada ruangku untukmu?

Kawan,
saat itu aku di belakangmu
dan pergi aku darimu

Bandung
10 Maret 2009 - 02.40

Revisi:
Bandung, 11 Maret 2009 - 14.47

Catatan:
Sudah lama rasanya saya sejak saya menulis dalam bahasa ibu saya sendiri di blog ini :) hehe.. Awalnya saya berencana mengalihbahasakan tulisan ini ke dalam bahasa Inggris, tapi terlalu banyak kesulitan yang menghalangi demi memenuhi keinginan saya terhadap tulisan ini. Karena itu saya menunda proses ini dan tentunya berharap ada teman yang bisa membantu (bantuannya gratis ya.. :P). Kalau bersedia membantu mengalihbahasakan, kontak saya saja atau tulis komentar. Selamat menikmati..

Unfinished Answer

If about incarnation this lingering sensation, I am asked
a daylong singing melodies, as an answer will not be sufficed

It is not heavy, as not light
It is not dark, as not bright
It is not lament, as not joyful
It is not empty, as not full
It is not crowded, as not abandoned
It is not smooth, as not rippled
It is not vast, as not tiny
It is not fragile, as not sturdy

I am just from nowhere pierced
and now already round the circle trapped

Very grateful somewhat
that your job has been done
Very misearable somewhat
that your job has been done

Maybe would be sufficed that one answer
which the beautiful voice of yours could be heard no longer

But maybe will not be sufficed that one answer

Bandung
31th January 2008 - 04.21

Revised:
Bandung, 16th December 2008 - 18.55
Bandung, 19th December 2008 - 14.43

Side note:
I wrote this poem almost one year ago (but recently revised it twice). I read it three days ago, after it stayed for a long time in my pile of papers. After finished read it, I realized that I need to bring a writing tool (paper and pen) and a camera anywhere I go, so that I could record any events or idea I like. And those two things can be summed up in a laptop.. so the conclusion is I need a laptop.. just joking. Anyway, the idea that was struck to my mind was I need always be ready to capture any flashing events or ideas, for we can't turn back time (or precisely, we haven't had any means to turn back time yet). There are people say "history repeats itself", but I believe that every history is never be the same, although maybe that certain history is considered to be repeating.

Three days ago, when I read it, the first thing flashed in my mind was "what is this melancholy feeling". After a thorough reading, I realized that I was lamenting someone, an artist that died on my birthday a year ago. Her works not that superb and I am not really a fan of her, but somehow when listening her last album a strong sense of melancholy came to me, and then I wrote it. Although very well known in her country, she lived modestly and mostly out of public, which sometime led some people to think that she was never existed. But, I believe that she just have a very shy personality, because I really like a humble and modest artist and that's why I respect her. For the first time I wrote it, this poem was especially dedicated to her. But after some revising, I thought that this poem was made because of her and dedicated to everyone who feels the same as I am, when losing someone.

Yes, this poem made because of her. So thanks a lot Izumi Sakai-san.

Dream

I'm dreaming
A really sweet dream
Fascinating and thrilling also
Don't wake me up too fast
Just let me sleep a little while longer
To dream bit more
Savoring this
Till it runs in my vein
So I will never forget the taste
Even a little bit
Therefore when I wake up
I only have to make the dream come true
And live in it
Then waking up I am
With the gentle sun ray on my face
Only two more to go
For make it a reality

Bandung
19th June 2007 - 04.34

Three Questions for Me

Some times in the past, many have asked me three questions related to my writing in this blog. The first one is "Why I choose English for a lot of my posts recently??" There are a lot of reasons behind this. At first I just want to improve my English skill, mainly in writing skill. But recently, I start wanting this blog to be read by everyone in the world, not just with everyone who understands Indonesian. To achieve it, I always try to polish my English skill with writing a lot in English. But of course, I love Indonesian a lot too, because this is the language that I grow up with for these 21 years and this is my mother language. I will choose Indonesian to write a post if I feel that Indonesian suits the post better than English, and I will choose English, if I feel that English fits better.

The second one is "For whom I wrote some of the poems I have posted in this blog??" Writing is one of my ways to ease my mind and pour down my feeling. So a big portion of the poems I posted are mainly written for me for the first time. Then I will post the poem in here if I feel save for the poem to be read by everyone. And if I don't write to whom I dedicated the poems, aside for myself, the poems are for everyone reading.

The last one is "What is my interpretation for my poems??" I will gladly tell everyone that is asked me that question, but of course I will do it if I feel secure to open the secret *grin* hehe... Anyway, apart from my interpretation, I also love to read everyone interpretation. Because, I think this kind of writing has an open interpretation for everyone that reads it. So, whatever you think about my poems after you read it please put a comment to the poem :) Anyway I like to write in metaphor. But for a while I have to postpone that desire because of my insufficient English skill. To realize this desire I have to learn a lot more of English.

I don't know why that my post at 10th April 2007 had the reader comments option turned off. But I have turned it on again, hehe.. In case you want to read ant put some comments to it, now you can write your comments. Anyway something very, very good happened yesterday to me. I feel that I can't put of my smile and happy mood for couple of days from now *grin*. Have a nice weekend everyone.

Towards the Golden Horizon

Dear beloved friend
have taken a long road for a full year
there you are
stand in front of
beginning of your new age.

Just take a little rest
sit on the shore
to ease your tired legs
with the sea breeze
and the late sun warmth.

Take a deep breath
to look back at your million foot steps
on the sea sand
under your shadow,
and pray your very best gratitude.

Turn and see the sun
setting slowly at the west
sense the light all over your skin
feel the hope that tomorrow will bring,
and make your deepest wish.

Put a smile on your face
and shakes your legs a little
get up with a whole full heart
take a glance at your back
then set your eyes to the glittering sea.

Start your walk again my friend
carve this sea sand
with your steps, jumps, and downs
and do not left your walk in the shadow
but towards the golden horizon.

Bandung
11th April 2007 - 02.31

Side note:
At first, I intended to write this poem just for a friend that celebrated her birthday a couple days ago. But when I read it more and more, I get the feeling that the message which I want to deliver is somehow appropriate for everyone else. On the other hand, the more I read it the more energy and spirit emit from these words, and of course the more I like it. I just can't help to think and feel that this poem is one of the best poems I ever made. Then I consider it will be a waste if this poem is just read by two people, so I post it here. A ton of thanks go to Lisiani, because if I haven't knew her, maybe I can't arrange these words, thanks a lot Cha. Hope you all like it, as I love it very much.

Diamond of Life

what would you do
if you find treasure of life so precious
a diamond shaped so flawless
so when a ray of light touches
emits glittering glow so bright
only see the brilliance of it
warmth your heart
and ease your misery
just a little radiance of it
make the others around, sparkling
but it shares the shine with other than you
even if you know
that your light will resonate with its
and walk a long road with it??

I fell that
I can't seize it
though my heart shouts for it
and my soul wants it even more

then it comes to my mind
it is a God's gift
to show a precious diamond there is
for each of us
that not so flawless maybe
but will resonate
not only with light
but also with shadow of mine
and take step till the end of me

Bandung
20th March 2007 - 23.43

it feels

it feels
that you pile up bricks and put the cement
build a wall when my thought and feel reach you
and it seems your smile
not the truest smile
you want to give
and you have

and when I show you my all
you seem surprised to see many faces you never know
I just feel
to be honest and the truth
really matter if I want to reach you
because I want you to know
pleasant face is not the only one I have
because I do have
angry, rude, picky, moody, lazy, and sad faces
because I do have
tears, blood, fear, and sweat
because all of these are the real me
yes... it is me

and when I tell myself
that I am afraid to hurt you when I reach you
that is just a big, big lie, lie, and lie
because really scared I am to be hurt
and go weak my heart to see the truth
even I know all these things are irrelevant
even I know that God will lead my way
I just can't help to be afraid
of the pain

so will I face the sun or turn back to shadow??
I just want to find the courage
to walk this road
till the end of it

Bandung
14th March 2007 - 02.05


Updated - 20th March 2007:
Correcting typing mistake, thanks to Ujay.

it is you

seems I have forgotten how this is feels
     just trying to make you smile
          truly make happiness blooms

for reminding me how this is feels
     when my smile is wide
          here, I give you my sincere thanks

wish I make, that you feel the same way
     and the end of this story, whatever it is
          truly grateful I am, is what I want to tell you

Bandung
4th February 2007 - 02.28

Currently untitled. Please post a comment if you have a suggestion for the title.

I've decided the title for this post. A big thanks for Aldo, Bram, Devi, Credo, and Anna for the comments.

Photo and Poem

Shine On - At Jimbaran

Comment:
Taken at 11th August 2006

---

what really define you

at first you have everything
as your eyes blink
has gone your wealth
disputes come and go
and as you turn your head around
have left your friends
and God has not done testing you
as a lot suffering fall upon you
taking everything left in you
bit by bit
your appearance
your physical ability
your best friends
your chances
your future
your tears
even your family
mind, heart, and soul
are the very last on yourself
and at last
those are that define you
even you lost your family
even tears have dried up
even tomorrow seems so dark and far away
even chances are fading away
keep your mind, heart, and soul
always
and shine
as the end comes
you can see somehow
your smile, spirit, and passion
continue to live
because your mind, heart, and soul
are really what define you

Bandung
25th October 2006 - 01.07

Inspired by "1 Litre of Tears"

with Your hand

breaking and falling down
dried up tears and sweat
tired eyes
slipped strength
torn apart heart
that I am

but a life should be that is
life that talks about honesty, passion, and love
loves me, others, and You

guides me with Your hand so tender
so stand up again I can

stands at the present
face the future

fear no with me
with Your hand

Bandung
2nd October 2006 - 23.27

Dedicated to someone out there that I really miss though I don't know who she/he is

bagaimana

bagaimana menetes
jika berlinang tidak air mata?
bagaimana berlinang
jika berduka tidak rasa?
bagaimana berduka
jika patah tidak asa?
bagaimana patah
jika jatuh tidak hati?
bagaimana jatuh
jika tahu tidak yang tercinta?

lalu apa panas dan mengalir pada pipi?
lalu bagaimana pandangan kabur,
mata basah,
dan wajah lembab?

Bandung
31 Agustus 2006 - 01.37

Seindah Kenangan

Lama tak rasakan
senyum hangat mengembang
pada udara-udara
kering menyengat
menebarkan rasa-rasa bahagia

Lampau saat
bersama tawa-tawa cerah
bertualang dalam
indahnya dunia
bergandengan bersama

Bahagia waktu
bertemu kembali
dengan senyum-senyum lama
walau berbeda
tapi menghidupkan kenangan

Masa berlalu
tapi kita kan terus bersama
dalam tawa-tawa riang
lekang dalam waktu
tak sirna pada masa

Bandung
23 September 2003


Komentar:
Tiga bait awal puisi ini dibuat pada 18 September 2003 dan bait terakhir baru diselesaikan pada 23 September 2003.

Judul puisi ini merupakan sumbangan dari Anna Steven.

Tak Mengapa

Tak mengapa dilupakan
Tak mengapa tak dipedulikan
Tak mengapa tak dilihat
Tak mengapa tak disapa

Karena
aku tetap menyapa
aku peduli
aku dapat melihat
aku tak mau melupakan

tapi
perlukah jika dilupakan?
adakah jika tak dilihat?
pentingkah jika tak disapa?
nyatakah jika tak dipedulikan?

Bandung
4 Agustus 2002


Komentar:
Sejauh ini, puisi ini merupakan karya terbaikku.

Saat ini, puisi ini benar-benar mewakili suasana hatiku. Perasaan yang begitu terasing, yang begitu sedih.

bicara hatiku

langkah kaki mengayun
tinggalkan jejak atas pasir putih
debur ombak mengalir
sapakan pantai atas rindunya
panas terik menyinar
cucurkan peluh atas kehidupan
desir angin melambai
penuhkan udara atas asin lautan

roda berputar, berulang dan berulang
senyum bertebar, menikmati indahnya bahagia
air mata berlinang, melengkapi perpisahan
matahari terbit dan berpulang, berulang dan berulang

bosan tidak pada pena ini
menyajikan tulisan dari hati
merekam cerita dari peristiwa
menorehkan untaian tulisan
terhapus mungkin oleh masa
teringat mungkin oleh saksi

bosan tidak pada jiwa ini
selama api masih menyala
selama dunia tak kehabisan kata
selama itu bicara hatiku

Kuta, Bali
21 Juli 2006 - 15.14

Kami Hanya Manusia

ya Tuhan,
kami hanya manusia
karena itu kuatkan kami untuk melalui cobaan ini
dan juga ingatkan kami
agar kami tidak bermegah diri
kami pun percaya cobaan ini karena kasih-Mu
dan kami percaya pada rencana-Mu
terima kasih pula atas berkat yang telah Kau berikan
karena sesungguhnya begitu besar berkat yang telah Kau berikan bagi kami
bimbing kami untuk melalui cobaan ini ya Tuhan
karena kami lemah tanpa-Mu
dan hanya di dalam-Mu kami dapat berjalan dalam kegelapan

kamu dan aku

saat dentangkan senandungku
mata indahmu memandang langit biru
aku tahu itu
cantik hatimu
buat tak terhenti senandungku
hembusan nafasmu
buat tak terhenti langkahku
janganlah terhenti langkahmu dan langkahku
dan terus mengalun senandungku
hingga saat mata kita saling bertemu
dalam pandangan itu
aku tahu hati kita satu
dan kamu pun begitu

Kuta, Bali
6 Juli 2006 - 11.08

kasih-Mu

manusia hidup dengan
raganya
jiwanya
pikirannya
hatinya
dirinya
seluruhnya
jika di sini aku duduk
penuh linangan air mata
dan hati terkoyak
karena kepedihan dunia
apakah ini karena kasih-Mu?

jika seluruhnya itu memang dari-Mu ya Tuhan
memohon sekarang aku
jangan biarkan manusia membatu dalam waktu
karena
aku sadar
saat manusia memancarkan
selain kasih yang Kau berikan
tersesatlah jalan kami

karena
aku sadar
jauh dalam hati kami
selalu seluruh kasih-Mu dirindukan
buatlah kasih kami pancarkan
sehingga dapat kami
surutkan linangan air mata
sembuhkan hati yang terkoyak
tumbuhkan senyum
tebarkan kasih-Mu

jika memang ini ingin-Mu ya Tuhan
curahkan kasih-Mu selalu
agar dalam aliran roda kehidupan hati kami tak pernah lupa

karena kasih-Mu
dalam kasih-Mu
manusia hidup

Kuta, Bali
30 Juni 2006 - 23.00

Pengalaman Hanya Satu Kali

Buka semua panca inderamu
Buka hatimu
Buka pikiranmu

Perhatikan sekitarmu
Jangan lengah dengan perubahan

Karena pengalaman datang hanya satu kali

Karena hidup hanya satu kali

Sehingga kemudian jangan sampai ada penyesalan


Seudah berapa lama... akhirnya posting juga...

Ditulis di Kuta, Bali.