When love has fallen...

I know that to love is to give. But every individual has a little bit of egoistical trait which is making it impossible for us for loving someone without any urge to be loved back. It is a common saying that said, “You should let her/him go if you love her/him.” But when we love someone, we always want to receive the same love we give. That makes “to love is to give and to receive.” An egoist point of view but that is what makes us human.

Love sure works in a very mysterious way. When I was hurt by love, I felt that I would never fall in love again. But love is always there around the world. And when you are not aware, love will struck your heart and reside within it. And even if you are aware, love will work its way to open your heart along with plant the seed of love in it. And right now, this kind of emotion pierces to my heart.

For these few days, I have a pounding heart, a “missing someone” mood, and a lot of complicated feeling. I realized that maybe I am falling in love to someone. And to make things worse, I can not figure this someone out. I always feel that I will be ready when the time for me to fall in love again comes. But right now, this kind of feeling really confuses me and I feel that I am still not ready, or to be precise not brave enough, to face this feeling. For I know that to love is to be happy when you receive the love back, or to be sad when you are heartbroken. It is a risk in love, and honestly I do not have courage to take that risk right now. For I know that a heartbroken feeling is truly devastated and will tore your heart apart.

I am always waiting for this time but right now, my heart says it is not the right time. For some various emotions and reasons, I want to neglect this feeling. But my logic says that if this is not the time, then when is the appropriate time. This contradiction is confusing me. Ah… well… my life also full of contradictions, so why I must bother myself with another contradiction??

But given an amount of time, I come to a conclusion that I will never ready to fall in love again. And when that time is come, all I need to do is let it grow with a full compassion and see if that love will grow and live. So right now I just keep my heart open, nourish this seed of love, and hope that it will bloom in the future.

To love is to give.
To love is to be happy and sad.
To love is to take the risk to receive the love back or to be heartbroken.