1000th Photo

Family

Comment:
Taken at 24th October 2006
Edited with Adobe Photoshop CS
L-R: My brother, my mother, my father, me
After a while I decided to took the -1000th photo from my digicam- at my family. You are all very important for me.

Photo and Poem

Shine On - At Jimbaran

Comment:
Taken at 11th August 2006

---

what really define you

at first you have everything
as your eyes blink
has gone your wealth
disputes come and go
and as you turn your head around
have left your friends
and God has not done testing you
as a lot suffering fall upon you
taking everything left in you
bit by bit
your appearance
your physical ability
your best friends
your chances
your future
your tears
even your family
mind, heart, and soul
are the very last on yourself
and at last
those are that define you
even you lost your family
even tears have dried up
even tomorrow seems so dark and far away
even chances are fading away
keep your mind, heart, and soul
always
and shine
as the end comes
you can see somehow
your smile, spirit, and passion
continue to live
because your mind, heart, and soul
are really what define you

Bandung
25th October 2006 - 01.07

Inspired by "1 Litre of Tears"

When love has fallen...

I know that to love is to give. But every individual has a little bit of egoistical trait which is making it impossible for us for loving someone without any urge to be loved back. It is a common saying that said, “You should let her/him go if you love her/him.” But when we love someone, we always want to receive the same love we give. That makes “to love is to give and to receive.” An egoist point of view but that is what makes us human.

Love sure works in a very mysterious way. When I was hurt by love, I felt that I would never fall in love again. But love is always there around the world. And when you are not aware, love will struck your heart and reside within it. And even if you are aware, love will work its way to open your heart along with plant the seed of love in it. And right now, this kind of emotion pierces to my heart.

For these few days, I have a pounding heart, a “missing someone” mood, and a lot of complicated feeling. I realized that maybe I am falling in love to someone. And to make things worse, I can not figure this someone out. I always feel that I will be ready when the time for me to fall in love again comes. But right now, this kind of feeling really confuses me and I feel that I am still not ready, or to be precise not brave enough, to face this feeling. For I know that to love is to be happy when you receive the love back, or to be sad when you are heartbroken. It is a risk in love, and honestly I do not have courage to take that risk right now. For I know that a heartbroken feeling is truly devastated and will tore your heart apart.

I am always waiting for this time but right now, my heart says it is not the right time. For some various emotions and reasons, I want to neglect this feeling. But my logic says that if this is not the time, then when is the appropriate time. This contradiction is confusing me. Ah… well… my life also full of contradictions, so why I must bother myself with another contradiction??

But given an amount of time, I come to a conclusion that I will never ready to fall in love again. And when that time is come, all I need to do is let it grow with a full compassion and see if that love will grow and live. So right now I just keep my heart open, nourish this seed of love, and hope that it will bloom in the future.

To love is to give.
To love is to be happy and sad.
To love is to take the risk to receive the love back or to be heartbroken.

Friends

Whew... I finally passed my weeks of hell. Two mid-tests and five assignments really drain my strength up. But, I still have one more assignment to do which is due next week. Anyway, I can catch my breath again and take a really good sleep yesterday. The good side is I made my own personal record in "Awake for 37 hours non-stop" yesterday. *grin*

Thanks to God that I can go through this weeks. God sure works in a lot of ways. Including give me a bunch of friends that keep supporting and spirit me up. For me a friend means a lot of things. It could be a happiness, sadness, anger, knowledge, wisdom, and everything else. Without any friends in this world, I don't think I can go through all comforts or any hardship. So make a friend every time you can.

Thanks to all of you my friends. And a really big thanks goes to all my partners in those assignments and to someone that always send me instant messages about "hang in there" in various ways. For this someone I wish you the best in you works. By the way, for everyone that assumes that you are this someone please put a comment. *grin*


A friend in need, is a friend indeed.

Deja Vu

Tanggal 29 September 2006 ada peristiwa aneh yang gue golongkan sebagai deja vu. Walaupun peristiwanya sedikit berbeda dari arti deja vu aslinya. Peristiwa itu terjadi lewat YM. Nah berikut adalah sekilas percakapan gue dengan 2 temen gue, sebut saja si A dan B.

-A- : test
**gue** : test
-A- (9/29/2006 8:02:41 PM): ping **nick gue**
**gue** (9/29/2006 8:02:52 PM): reply from **nick gue**
-A- : msh di sister?
**gue** : masih
**gue** : :))
**gue** : ada kejadian lucu
-A- : walah
**gue** : bentar2
-A- : ronda
-A- : apa?
**gue** :

-B- (9/29/2006 7:32:13 PM): ping **nick gue**
**gue** (9/29/2006 7:32:46 PM): pong -nick si B-
**gue** : oi
**gue** : apa kabar nih??
-B- : km harusnya jawab reply from **nick gue** dong
**gue** : oh gitu ya

**gue** : lucu kan??
**gue** : baru setengah jam yang lalu loh
**gue** : de javu bo
**gue** : :))
-A- : ah kok bs
**gue** : iya
**gue** : makanya lucu
...

with Your hand

breaking and falling down
dried up tears and sweat
tired eyes
slipped strength
torn apart heart
that I am

but a life should be that is
life that talks about honesty, passion, and love
loves me, others, and You

guides me with Your hand so tender
so stand up again I can

stands at the present
face the future

fear no with me
with Your hand

Bandung
2nd October 2006 - 23.27

Dedicated to someone out there that I really miss though I don't know who she/he is